13/11/2018 Cliff McNish https://www.cliffmcnish.com

12/11/2018

The colour of burnt almonds, with white-enamelled hooves, and fully eight feet tall: a centaur was galloping through the forest. His name was Valis. Alone and afraid, his powerful equine flanks shone, his close-curled greying chest hair sticky with the journey’s sweat. Was he really going to do this? The instructions for his task came from the highest authority imaginable. Even so, his heart almost froze thinking about what he was about to attempt.
Shivering with fear, he slowed to a canter. Here was the place. An empty spot between two enormous frelk trees. The gateway – unused for over three thousand years – stood invisibly in front of him.
All he had to do now was work out how to open it ...

9 Comments

Abigail and Anisha Christ the King Australia

13/11/2018 01:20:55

He reached for the confidential and extremely important package from the supreme Guardians of the Great Forest. He took a deep, shaky breath and opened his leather satchel. Valis took out the golden, glowing key. He placed his trembling hands on the groove of the ancient tree, to reveal a ornate keyhole. Fumbling around, he tried to put the glowing key in its ancient hole. Valis was here to repair the vital protective dome, separating humans and magical folk. The dome had to be prepared every century. He had to get inside the gate to do this.
“I cannot fail Queen Vixen…” he muttered. He closed his eyes firmly and prised them open again, only to find that nothing had changed. He was prepared for this, because no one, not even the Guardians, knew how to work the key.
“No-n-no, that-that cannot be…I-I have th-the key…” He felt like a lost foal in the vast, dark forest. He hung his head and his hands were shaking. There was a sound. A sweet bird in the background. No, it cannot be a bird… he recognized the sweet melodious voice as a… human? Abruptly, the singing stopped, replaced by a shrill scream. Crack. It was to late… Colossal golden cracks were like lightning running through the dome. A human girl’s silhouette stood in the debris.
What have I done…?

Josie Foy, Connor Jones, James McDonald, Carter Dalby - Warren Wood Primary Academy link

13/11/2018 09:44:58

He tried to figure out how to open it, but he was so tired from the journey that he lent on a frelk tree instead. Suddenly, it shot out of the ground like a torpedo and the gate plunged into the great patch of emerald, green grass! Swiftly, he looked beyond the gate; pitch black darkness awaited him. Slowly, he walked inside. The creaky, mouldy gate slammed behind Valis! Rapidly, he shot downwards like a bullet in a gun, he was in Tartaras. Valis knew because a manticorn took one glance at him and he saw Ladon clawing at his prey. He saw something shimmery gold dangling from a glistening apple tree, it was no ordinary tree though… it was The Tree Of Immortality. He grasped onto the golden apple and clenched it through his disarming smile that faded into a bite…

cliff mcnish link

22/11/2018 13:13:42

Hi guys, I like the way you've deepened the story and taken us down into the bowels of the earth. A nice meshing with Greek myth here. Are you going to finish the story? I hope so.

cliff mcnish link

22/11/2018 13:10:27

Hi guys, i really like your continuation of the story. who is this mystery girl. what has Valis done? You must finish it now!

Livia and Arabella - Brighton and Hove Prep school

13/11/2018 11:16:53

But then he stopped. He thought to himself – ‘do I really want do this?’ Suddenly, he saw the girl again, running towards him. She viciously snatched the apple from him and started walking towards the portal to the Human world. He couldn’t let this happen. He followed the girl – if she took the apple, she was likely to eat it. And that would bring powerful magic into the hands of humans. So he jumped, into the pitch-black portal. He hurtled through the blackness, and was startled by what he saw. Daylight flooded his eyes like a tsunami. He realised he had lost the girl, until he spied her coming around a corner. He broke into canter, not thinking about all the moving objects. He thought to himself, ‘What are these weird moving things?’ He started to catch up with the girl, shouting for her to stop. But then, before he could say any more, she bit apple. Her teeth began to grow, and become sharp and pointy. Then, she became more sensitive to the light. Valis angrily said: ‘If you would have listened to me, I could have stopped you!’
‘Why would I have listened to you? You just want the apple for yourself!’ she replied.
‘I would have told you that you would have turned into a vampire! Now you’ll have to come to the magical world and you won’t fit in there, because you were raised here!’
‘I don’t want to go to the magical world!’ She hissed. ‘All my family is at home!’

Cody Penfold, Iqra Ali, Riley Jeffery - Warren Wood Primary Academy link

13/11/2018 12:15:20

Valis stepped onto a tilted shabby tile as he found his first clue: unlock the squalid, dull box. It had a note underneath the box. It said,’’ Look at the graffiti wall to unlock the first digit.’’
Valis wondered, “Hmm, what did it mean? Where is the graffiti?’’ As he looked towards the right he noticed a yellow crack in the wall. When walking, Valis thought he saw a silhouette; Valis was getting a bit suspicious. ‘’Maybe I’m just hallucinating.’’ Rubbing his eyes, He grabbed the note and it said two. Valis unlocked the first code number.
‘’One number done, one to go! ’Commented Valis…

Shareefa and Waleed, International Community School

13/11/2018 14:06:51

THE SECOND CODE! “The apple”. Valis questioned “The apple??”. “oh, the magical golden tree.” Nicole replied. They ran as fast as they could to get the mission done, “Where is it?”. “I can’t find it anywhere!” Valis shouted… After a while… “do you think it’s under the tree?!” Nicole asked.
“Maybe, how will we get it out?”
“Nicole? Nicole?”
“Oh, how are you?”
“OMG, it doesn’t matter”
“Do you have a shovel, so I can see what’s under this tree?”
“Why do want to see what’s under the tree?”
“So, you turn back to a human”
“Ok, here you go.”
2 hours later… “HERE IT IS!” Nicole screamed. Valis inserted the code. “go get another apple and eat it asap.” Nicole ate the apple and after she started transforming back to a human part by part. Nicole went back to her parents in the human world and stayed safe for ever.

Shareefa and Waleed, International Community School

cliff mcnish link

22/11/2018 13:16:47

Well done, guys. Imaginative stuff. In case any of you are interested I do workshops on how to write better fantasy stories. check out my website for ideas...

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28/1/2023 23:23:25

Thanks great bloog

13/11/2018 Cliff McNish https://www.cliffmcnish.com

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