7/11/18 Jan Siegel https://jansiegel.co.uk

7/11/2018

The one thing they never tell you about zombies is how inflammable we are. Being undead, our blood doesn’t flow, and our skin doesn’t exude any oils or gunk; it means you don’t get spots, but the expenditure on moisturiser is huge. We don’t actually decay, because decay is a process, and we are in suspension, frozen in the moment of our death for all time. We don’t age, we don’t rot, but our bodily moisture evaporates and we suffer constantly from dehydration. You can always tell the zombie in a supermarket because of the pile-up of Evian in the trolley and the tubes of aloe vera lotion and shea butter. We don’t bother with the anti-wrinkle stuff but we favour factor 50 sunscreen winter and summer and we’re suckers for any cream described as ‘nourishing’. Ludicrous really; we persistently believe that our skin will do the job which our digestive system can no longer perform. The living snap up anti-ageing creams even though science confirms they don’t work and we’re just as gullible. Being undead may make you immortal – after a fashion – but it doesn’t make you any smarter.
Mostly, the dryness thing isn’t a serious problem. We don’t have open fires in the home, obviously, and we aren’t likely to join jolly groups around a campfire outdoors. (Zombie boy scouts are extremely rare.) The biggest hazard of the year is Bonfire Night. On the fifth of November, sensible zombies stay indoors, out of range of sparklers, bangers and blazing torches.
Of course, I’ve never been sensible.

7 Comments

Adrian Thompson

7/11/2018 09:37:29

The number of fireworks you can buy for a bit of cash is amazing, I found. I couldn’t help it – I really counldn’t. I picked loads of great things with amazing coloured wrappers, while I ignored the ‘warning, dangerous’ signs. They’re not dangerous for me, I thought. It might rain tomorrow, I’ll get soggy, and the fire won’t be a problem.
Famous last words. November 5th was the warmest day I can remember, for lots of reasons – the sun shone all day, so I stayed inside – sun doesn’t do a lot for a zombie’s complexion – until it was dark. I’m immortal, I thought. Nothing’s going to hurt me.
Wrong. I took Scrappy for a walk – Scrappy’s my dog – he’s called that because I made him out of scraps of other dogs. Apart from the three ears, he’s as cute as anything. As we walked through the park, I noticed the fireworks, and wandered towards them. Scrappy barked, and pulled against his lead to try and stop me, but I’m not paying attention. The next thing I see, there’s a rocket heading towards me – very quickly, very noisily and very very……

Seth & Josh

Will & Luke & Will

7/11/2018 10:31:21

..unexpectedly. Of course I wasn’t scared. I am immortal. But, something wasn’t right. It started as a sting and gradually exceeded into an excruciating pain. It was as if a million army ants were gnawing through my stomach. I lay on the itchy grass wincing in pain. Then my eyes got heavy, too heavy to keep open. Eventually, I let them close to the sound of crickets chirping in the long green grass. I woke to a start. I could feel cool water lapping over my toes. I was lying next to my wife. I knew this, but didn’t know how to explain it. All I knew was that I couldn’t have a care in the world. Suddenly, I was thrown upwards with a sense of urgency in my heart. I looked behind me and saw a young boy cowering on a slippery, moss covered pile of boulders. My heart skipped a beat as I recognized him as my son. My legs carried me faster than I’ve ever ran before. I felt like a cheetah sprinting towards its prey. I reached the top and I looked into his dark brown eyes; they are filled with fear. I clasped him in my arms and whispered encouraging words into his ear. I took a step back, forgetting we are on a ledge. The next step I took triggered the ledge to crumble and I realized that there was no more ground under my foot. I embraced my son and closed my eyes. All I can do is hope he will be safe. I feel the impact of the hard ground, and all goes dark…

Ben and Aaron The Beacon

7/11/2018 11:30:16

… .Weirdly, I woke up in no pain whatsoever. I could hear the harmonious noise of the tweeting blue birds and lapping water. It was so soothing. As a result of the impact I was wobbly on my feet and only just managed to grip myself on a nearby tree to give me support. I peered over to my left and there lay my son. He had beautiful black eyes, but the fall had battered his new dark green T-shirt. I knelt down and put my hands to his chest. I sighed with relief, his heart was beating like a soft rumble. Whipping out my bag I stumbled over to the nearby river rapidly filling it with gallons of water. Gently, I slowly tipped over the pouch and made him conscious. Sadly, he was in lots of pain although happy to be awake again. Suddenly there was a mysterious figure looming over us. My son gasped. Swivelling, I saw a gigantic furry beast open his jaw and I waited for the deafening roar. He had tuffs of big, fluffy hair around his face and a ragged scar on the side of his eye. Surprisingly, he could talk and told us to get lost. I fired back explaining the recent events that had affected us. Apologising he moved and went back to where he came from. I picked up Fred (my son) up and we gently walked around trying to find a shelter for the morning…

Nikki Heath

7/11/2018 14:18:18

The air was cold with wind whipping at our bodies, it was a drastic change from before we came back to consciousness. Scanning around the area, we heard a certain bark, a bark we knew all too well. Scrappy had returned to us. He has a very good sense of smell even for a dog and so we knew how he found us. Fred was ecstatic to see his little furry friend once again. The only issue was that we now had a dog to shelter as well as ourselves. Being immortal has some perks though, we don’t need to eat or drink which in this certain predicament is very helpful. In the distance, something came into view. It was a bike shelter nearby a neighbourhood park which is good enough for us.
“Anything to keep us warm,” I sighed before we walked towards the shelter. Soon enough, the rain started to fall reminding me how lucky we were to even have found anywhere to protect us from the weather. The warm bonfire night was long gone by now although I could still hear the fireworks booming in my head.
Night soon approached and along with it so did many stars. Each were very clearly visible through the glass of the bike shelter. Since the days are shorter at this time of year we weren’t there for long before the night sky wrapped itself around the world. The landscape became desolate and drowned in silence.
In the middle of our short sleep Scrappy began to squeal. We awoke to banging on the bike shelter. It was loud – thunder-like even. Through the glass I could clearly see an outline of a fist immediately informing us what the source of the noise was. Why would anyone be doing such a thing? I wandered outside to investigate while Fred was still asleep. Peeking around the corner of the shelter I noticed it was…

Erin FD & Ruby H, Werneth School

Angelina, Nila, Kitty, Lucky, Charlotte and Zuranna, Wirral Grammar School For Girls

7/11/2018 15:20:42

A tall figure dressed in black. I think they caught a glimpse of me in the corner of their eye: they suddenly bolted across the park so fast in the suffocating fog it was all a blur. I could hardly see them in the charcoal night sky, as the only source of light, was the glimmer of the stars that illuminated the rocky path ahead. Suddenly, I heard a rough, gravelly bark from behind me. I’d never heard Scrappy bark like that. The figure turned around to see if I was following it. They swiftly turned into the dark forest. I rapidly began to pursue the mysterious silhouette.
It was a chase like the ones in movies. We jumped and ducked over tree branches and finally cornered it. It was flattened against the tree, the figure paused and started to laugh. ‘So you found me…fine!’ and with one dramatic motion he pulled his hood off we recognised him at once. It was our old neighbour Mr Jones (the owner of the dead dog from who Fred got Scrappy’s third ear from) ‘You thought,’ he spat out his words in disgust, ‘that we didn’t notice of course we did.’ It couldn’t be a coincidence that you had a new…’ He glanced at Scrappy and sniffed ‘unnatural looking dog.’ At exactly the same time that the remains of the other dogs in the neighbourhood disappeared. ‘Why did you think we moved away? Now we are back for revenge…’

Sarah J. and Brooklynn W. Robert E. Lee Junior High

7/11/2018 16:47:11

“I did nothing wrong.” i exclaimed immediately, trying not to sound guilty.
“You know what you did was wrong, did you think that we wouldn’t notice that ours was missing a part and ur had an extra.” I was screaming externally.
“It could have all been a big coincidence” I finally said. Scrappy was made up of lots of different dogs, his back end was a golden retriever, his face was a german shepherd, his ears were part pit bull, part beagle, his right legs were chihuahua, and his left were pug. It could have been a coincidence that Fred was a beagle. He was made that way for a reason so just leave it alone. I find any dead dog and put its parts on Scrappy, to make him unique. I like him that way.
“The dogs are dead so it isn’t hurting anybody to take a few dead dogs body parts.”
“Actually you have no clue how much dogs mean to people, dead or alive. They are part of your life and when they die, it’s like a very important person dies in your life.”
“I never thought of it like that” I sadly said looking down at my feet. “Scrappy is very important to me too though and if I give the body parts back I will not have the same unique dog that I loved anymore.”

Tyler D, and Jenny N Robert E. Lee Junior High

7/11/2018 20:45:45

“Well you should of thought about that before you took something you weren’t supposed to,” said Mr. Jones and with that he took the ear and left. I went home sad that night, and I also went home with a two earred dog. If you thought I was sad, just wait until you see my son, he wouldn’t talk to me for 2 weeks. I told him that it wasn’t my fault but he wouldn’t belive me. He’s only sad because he found that ear, but he will get over it eventually. It’s not like the dog died, he’s immortal after all.
The next day I went to walk Scrappy and he didn’t act the same I don’t know why I mean it’s only an ear, or mabye it’s something else, I should take him to the vet. I went to the vet and they said he had some kind of rare disease and only had a few hours to live. I told my family, we had a funeral for him, and we left an extra ear on the top in memories of him.

7/11/18 Jan Siegel https://jansiegel.co.uk

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